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The Big Bang Theory
2x08 The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Original Air Date on CBS
Nov. 17, 2008

 

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ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå¶ó¸¶ 24 ÀÚÀ¯Á¦ÀÛ
(club.nate.com/24)

¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö / ÀÚÀ¯ ¹èÆ÷
Çǵå¹éÀº ¸ÞÀÏ·Î º¸³»ÁÖ¼¼¿ä

 

Oh, look,
Saturn 3 is on.

I don't want to watch Saturn 3.
Deep Space Nine is better.

How is Deep Space Nine
better than Saturn 3?

Simple subtraction
will tell you it's six better.

 

Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.

 

In what sense is that a compromise?

Well, five is partway
between three... Never mind.

 

I'll tell you what.
How about we go rock-paper-scissors?

I don't think so.

Anecdotal evidence suggests
that in the game of rock-paper-scissors,

players familiar with each other
will tie 75 to 80% of the time

due to the limited number
of outcomes.

I suggest
rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.

 

- What?
- It's very simple.

Scissors cuts paper.
Paper covers rock.

Rock crushes lizard.
Lizard poisons Spock.

Spock smashes scissors.
Scissors decapitates lizard.

Lizard eats paper.
Paper disproves Spock.

Spock vaporizes rock.

And as it always has,
rock crushes scissors.

 

Okay, I think I got it.

 

Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock!

 

Hello, boys.

 

Ahoy, matey.

 

Noticed the eye patch, did you?

It's all part of a technique
I've been studying for picking up women.

You employ a visual display

designed to make yourself
distinctive and memorable.

Oh, yes, like the male peacock
with brilliant plumage

or the rutting baboon
with engorged hindquarters.

 

Or in this case,
the bar mitzvah boy with pinkeye.

 

Mock me if you will,
but it works.

You show up at a club
in something distinctive,

scope out your target
and toss out some negs.

- What are negs?
- A neg is a negative compliment

that throws a pretty woman
off her game like

"Normally,
I'm not turned on by big teeth,

but on you, they work."

 

I got a whole list of 'em.
Who wants to be my wingman?

You're not gonna need a wingman.
You're gonna need a paramedic.

 

Your scooter's blocking my car.

Did you get pinkeye again?

 

Step one:
she notices the eye patch.

May I say, Penny, not a lot of women
could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair?

 

Just move your stupid scooter

before I pick it up
and throw it in the dumpster.

 

ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå¶ó¸¶ 24 ÀÚÀ¯Á¦ÀÛ
(club.nate.com/24)

¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö / ÀÚÀ¯ ¹èÆ÷
Çǵå¹éÀº ¸ÞÀÏ·Î º¸³»ÁÖ¼¼¿ä

 

µ¿¿µ»ó Á¤º¸
175MB / DVDRip-FoV
µ¿¿µ»ó Á¤º¸
550MB / HD720p - CTU

 

¿µ¹®ÀÚ¸·
sub-way.fr

Çѱ۱³Á¤
¿ìä¿ì(shinhwanl@nate.com)

½ÌÅ©ÆíÁý / Çѱ۹ø¿ª
ÇöÁØÈ£(lightinstom@nate.com)

The Big Bang Theory
2x08 The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Original Air Date on CBS
Nov. 17, 2008

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not going
to watch The Clone Wars TV series

until I've seen
The Clone Wars movie.

 

I prefer to let George Lucas
disappoint me in the order he intended.

 

I want to watch it now.

Then I believe we've arrived
at another quintessential

rock-paper-scissors-
lizard-Spock moment.

 

Watch whatever you want.

 

I saw what you did there.

 

What'd I do?

 

Hello?

Hey, Howard.

What's wrong?

Okay, we'll be right there.

What happened?

Howard's at the Mars Rover lab.
He says he's in trouble. Defcon 5.

Defcon 5?

Well, there's no need to rush.

 

What? / Defcon 5 means "no danger."
Defcon 1 is a crisis.

How can 5
not be worse than 1?

Star Trek V worse than I.

 

First of all, that's a comparison
of quality, not intensity.

Secondly, Star Trek I
is orders-of-magnitude worse than Star Trek V.

Are you joking?

Star Trek V is the standard
against which all badness is measured.

No, no.

Star Trek V has specific failures
in writing and direction,

while Star Trek I
fails across the board:

art direction, costuming,
music, sound editing.

Can we just forget I said Defcon and go?

 

Star Trek V.

 

Will you at least stipulate that
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is inarguably the best?

I have three words for you:
Wrath of Khan.

 

- Thank God, you're here.
- What's the emergency?

I got the Mars Rover
stuck in a ditch.

 

Where?

On a dusty highway
just outside Bakersfield.

Where do you think?
On Mars!

 

Is everything okay?

Yeah, baby, I'll be right in.

 

You brought a girl
to the Mars Rover control room?

Yeah, I picked her up in the bar.
She's a doctor.

One free barium enema,
and my mother won't care she's not Jewish.

 

Wait a minute.
So the eye patch and the insults worked?

No, there were three other guys
with eye patches. It was a fiasco.

 

What did work was, "How'd you like
to visit a secret government facility?"

So what exactly
do you want us to do?

You and Raj help me
get the Rover out of the ditch

and you get Stephanie out
before somebody notices she's here.

- She doesn't exactly have clearance.
- Really?

They don't let strange
women from honky-tonks

come in and play with $200 million
government projects on distant planets?

Yes, I was bad.
Maybe she'll spank me.

Can we please move on?

 

It's getting late,
so do I get to drive this thing or what?

No. I'm sorry,
but something's come up.

Kind of a Mars Rover...

Mars Rover
can Howard come over...

 

situation.

 

So my friend Leonard
is gonna take you home.

Okay. Let's go, friend Leonard.

- I'll call ya.

So are you a scientist like Howard?

No one's a scientist like Howard.

 

My mother is so gonna love her.

How nice. Maybe they can carpool
when they visit you in federal prison.

 

I'm sorry.

I totally interrupted you.
What were you saying?

Just said Howard's a terrific guy.

 

He's got a great sense of humor.

 

He loves his mother...

a lot.

People say "too much."

 

I really like
that you're such a loyal friend.

Yeah, I am loyal.

If you look at the big picture.

 

Out of curiosity,
did he ever have a shot with you?

Are you insane?
The guy was wearing an eye patch.

 

- Then why did you...?
- He said that I could drive a car...
on Mars.

 

Got it.

 

So, can I see you again?

You're not gonna see me now.

 

Cool.

 

Anything?

Actually, I was just
checking my e-mail.

 

But, no,
the Rover is not responding.

I believe the appropriate metaphor here
involves a river of excrement

and a Native American water vessel
without any means of propulsion.

 

Hang on.
There's got to be other options.

You could try calling Triple-A.

 

But based on NASA's latest timetable,
they won't get there for 35 years.

 

Plus I understand you have to be standing
next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.

Oh, snap.

Snap what?

 

- I guess we have to turn to Plan B.
- What's Plan B?

Erase hard drives,
scrap surveillance tapes,

wipe our fingerprints
off every surface and run.

Why wasn't that Plan A?

 

A NASA spokesman states that
due to the loss of data,

they will most likely be unable
to determine the cause of

the Mars Rover's malfunction.

 

Thank God for Plan B.

 

Didn't you say
you worked on the Mars Rover?

No, you're mistaken.

 

When we first met,

you said that if I went out with you,
I could drive a car on Mars.

 

I don't know
what you're talking about.

 

Will you all excuse me?

Leonard is subtly signaling
that he'd like to talk to me in private.

 

No. I remember specifically.

You started by asking if I was from Mars
because my ass was out of this world.

 

That does sound like me, but no.

 

Is there some problem?

Listen, I have to kinda
sneak out for a while.

- All right, good-bye.
- No, wait!

If anyone asks you where I went,
you don't know.

- Where are you going?
- I can't tell you that.

Who would ask me?

 

I can't tell you that, either.

You brought me in here to inform me

you can't tell me where you're going
and you can't tell me who might ask?

 

Yeah, I really didn't
think this through.

 

- Leonard, a moment.
- What?

If someone, and of course,
we don't know who this would be,

does ask where you've gone,
what should I say?

I don't know.
Just tell 'em I went to the office.

- Are you going to the office?
- No.

Then how can I say it convincingly?

Just say,
"Leonard went to the office."

 

All right.
Leonard went to the office.

 

What is...? No, not like that!
Just, "Leonard went to the office."

It would've worked out a lot better
if you'd just told me you were going to the office.

I'm going to the office.

See? Why don't I believe you?

 

- I'm going out for a while.
- Okay.

 

Doesn't anyone want to know
where he's going?

 

Okay, where is he going?

Leonard is going to the office.

 

- So how was work today?
- Busy.

I removed an appendix, a gall bladder
and about a foot and a half of bowel.

 

I'm hoping that was
three different guys.

No, just the one.

 

He didn't make it.

 

So, how was your day?

 

You know, I'm a physicist, so...
I thought about stuff.

 

That's it?

I wrote some of it down.

 

- Are you done eating?
- Yeah.

Good.

 

If I knew you were waiting,
I would've swallowed that lasagna whole.

 

You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
Leave a message.

 

Hey, Steph.
It's me again, Howard.

If you're free Friday, maybe we could have
a little something to eat at my place.

My mom cooks a hell of a brisket.

 

Let me know.

It's Howard.

 

I've had her brisket.
Melts in your mouth.

 

Maybe we should think
about going to the bedroom.

Good idea.

There's a bed in there,
and I'm very, very, very pro-bed.

 

You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
Leave a message.

 

Hey, it's me again.

 

Just want to let you know

the head count for dinner Friday
has gone up.

My Aunt Betty and Uncle Elliot
are coming in from Palm Springs.

If anybody should ask,
you're half-Jewish on your mother's side.

 

Okay, call me.

It's Howard.

 

Don't you think we should tell him
you're not interested?

Do you want me to stop
and call him back right now?

Dear God, no!

 

You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
Leave a message.

 

Hey, it's me again, Howard.

 

My cousins from Fort Lauderdale
are flying in to meet you

so that means we're gonna
have to move the dinner to a restaurant.

Tell her we're going
to the Olive Garden!

 

I have a coupon from the paper.

We're not going
to the Olive Garden, Ma!

Mr. Bigshot with his Red Lobster.

 

I'll call you back
when we firm up the details.

 

It's Howard.

 

- New shirts?
- Yeah, a couple.

- Nice.
- Thank you.

So, who's the girl?

 

I'm sorry?

Well, last time you bought a new shirt
was when we were dating.

So what we did
was in fact dating?

 

Well, yeah, we did have a date.

Exactly. Thank you.

 

Do me a favor, tell Koothrappali that
next time you see him.

 

So, who is she?

- She's a doctor.
- Nice.

A doctor doctor,
or a you kind of doctor?

Doctor doctor.
Surgical resident.

Smart, pretty.

Let me ask you something.

 

If your friend thinks
he's dating someone,

but he's not because,
in fact, you're dating her,

does that make you a bad person?

- That depends.
- On what?

Is that friend Wolowitz?

 

- Yeah.
- Screw him. You're fine.

 

Are you sure?

Well, have you slept
with her yet?

 

You dog!

 

Good for you.

- Does that change things?
- No.

 

- So why'd you ask?
- I'm nosy. See ya.

 

Howard, get the door!

 

Really? Is that what you do
when someone knocks?!

Thank you. I had no idea!

 

Hey, buddy. What brings you
to my little slice of hell?

 

Who is it?!

It's Leonard!

You're gonna have to play outside!

I'm not dressed to receive!

 

No one cares, Ma!
So, what's up?

 

Listen, I need to talk to you
about something.

 

Momentito.

Yello.

Oh, Stephanie, thanks for calling me back.
I was worried...

 

Oh..

 

No, I understand.

Sure, we can be friends. Absolutely.
Thanks for calling.

You have a nice day, too.

 

You are dead to me.

 

Who gets the extra dumpling?

 

Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.

 

Okay, one of us is going to have
to stop putting up Spock.

How do we decide that?

Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.

- Hey, guys.
- Hello.

 

Hi, Howard.

 

Howard is employing
a schoolyard paradigm

in which you are,
for all intents and purposes, deceased.

 

He intends to act on this
by not speaking to you,

feigning an inability to hear you
when you speak

and otherwise refusing
to acknowledge your existence.

That's just ridiculous.
Why are you cooperating with him?

I don't make the rules, Leonard.

 

Howard, come on.
I didn't plan on this.

These things just happen.

Usually not to me,
but they do happen.

 

Did someone just feel
a cold breeze?

 

I believe this is an extension
of the death metaphor.

The cold breeze is the so-called
ectoplasmic issue

of a disembodied soul passing by.

 

Screw it.
I'm just gonna eat the dumpling.

 

Hi, Steph, come on in.

- Is this a bad time?
- Yes, but I don't see
a better one on the horizon.

 

If it isn't Mrs. Dead to Me.

 

- Hello, Howard.
- Sheldon.

I'm sorry, you violated
the terms of your metaphor

by acknowledging her existence.
I'm out.

 

He just won't listen to me.

Okay, I guess it'll just be
the three of us then.

 

Lisa's gonna be disappointed.

 

Lisa?

My roommate. She just went through
a really bad breakup,

I thought she might like
to meet somebody fun like you.

 

Leonard, Stephanie, you're alive!
It's a miracle!

 

So, anyway, Lisa,
I just wanted to tell you again

how much I enjoyed the other night,

and again,
I'm sorry for how it ended.

 

But again, if you could
let me know about Friday.

My mother needs a head count
so she can know how big a brisket to get.

 

Howard, look at this.

Anyway, call me.

It's Howard.

 

It's unclear how the Mars Rover
got into the crevice,

but one thing's certain:

the data which it has sent back

contain the first clear indications

that there may have been
life on Mars.

 

It's a scientific discovery

that has staggering implications
for all mankind.

Unfortunately, we'll never know
who's responsible.

 

Son of a bitch.

 

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